09 days to go for 2026! FORGIVENESS

Tuesday 23^rd Dec 2025             Day 23383

23rd Dec 2025 Day 09       FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a powerful tool for personal growth and community restoration. It can improve physical and mental health, heal from trauma, and bring people together. https://www.discoverforgiveness.org/

One of the most common misunderstandings is the belief that forgiveness requires an apology. While apologies can make forgiving easier, they aren’t necessary, and often, they never appear. More importantly, they are completely outside the injured’s control.

A second major misconception is that forgiveness automatically leads to reconciliation. Many people avoid forgiving because they fear it means resuming a relationship with the person who harmed them. But forgiveness and reconciliation are separate. Forgiveness is something you can do on your own; reconciliation requires trust, safety, and meaningful change from the offender. You can forgive someone without ever speaking to them again.

One aspect of forgiveness many people never consider is that forgiveness is a moral virtue. To forgive is not just to let go of anger; it is to recognize the humanity of the person who hurt us. This does not mean excusing harm or minimizing our pain. Instead, it involves “reframing” or looking at the situation with new eyes and understanding that people are more than their worst behaviors. Reframing helps us expand our perspective: What might have been happening in the offender’s life? What pressures, insecurities, or past wounds may have shaped their choices? These reflections don’t excuse or erase the offense, but they deepen our understanding of how the harm occurred. As I often tell the fifth graders I work with, “It’s easy to be kind to people who are kind to us. It’s harder to be kind to people who aren’t. That’s radical kindness” or, as the fifth graders like to call it, “raging kindness”. Forgiveness is one path toward healing. It involves acknowledging our pain, expressing our anger and other uncomfortable emotions in healthy ways, and gradually developing empathy for the offender; not because they deserve it, but because holding onto resentment often prolongs our suffering. When we forgive, we put goodness and compassion into the world in a way that can transform us, the offender (sometimes), and the greater community.

What forgiveness does not mean is forgetting the offense, pretending it didn’t happen, or abandoning justice. Forgiveness and justice can co-exist. You can forgive someone and still hold them accountable. Forgiveness is not quick or easy. It takes time, courage, and emotional effort. It requires facing our hurt rather than avoiding it. But it is possible, even without an apology, even without reconciliation, and even when the other person never knows we forgave them.

Sharing here from

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_does_it_actually_mean_to_forgive? 

Comprehensive forgiveness. Forgiveness is seen as decreases in negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors and improvements in positive emotions, thoughts, and behaviors toward those who acted unfairly. This approach considers the interplay among decisions and emotions, as well as actions, toward the offending person. It includes both ceasing negative and cultivating positive feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. At the same time, it doesn’t mean excusing injustices or necessarily reconciling with the offending person.

With a philosophically accurate view of forgiveness, you can keep your eye on what forgiveness is and understand where you need to head if, indeed, forgiveness is your goal. This accurate view of forgiving, practiced through your own choice, may enhance your well-being if you have been struggling with deep resentment over others’ unfair treatment of you.

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